YouAreEnough

Here are a couple of snapshots of how the year 5787 began for me.

Night one with my family. Night two with Rich’s family. All the cousins gathered together which isn’t always an easy feat anymore as families grow, life gets busier and people move away. Both tables filled with love, laughter, tradition and a special feeling of belonging.

I’m so proud to be Jewish. Proud of our traditions, our history, our culture and the way we come together as family and community to celebrate, support and connect with one another.

Starting this new year surrounded by family and loved ones fills my heart with gratitude. And while I may not have a photo of it, I also spent my days at the shul I’m very fortunate to work at, surrounded by prayer and a beautiful community that has also welcomed me into their family too.

After such an incredibly difficult year, these moments of family, community, tradition and belonging feel even more meaningful.

#blessed #newyear #5787 #pride #gratitude #family #community

As I spoke about at her funeral, Rosh Hashanah holds some of my very best memories of my mom.

These holidays meant family coming together, grandparents travelling from Ottawa, Florida (depending on the time of year), and Montreal (once we moved to Toronto), along with friends who became family.

My mom loved to host. She cooked incredible meals (her brisket was amazing), filled our home with food and laughter, and if someone didn’t have a place to go for the holidays, she always made sure there was room at our table.

That’s what I will remember most.

She had a way of making people feel welcome, loved and like they belonged.

Rosh Hashanah will always hold a special place in my heart because of her.

This year, there will be another empty chair at the table.

But I’ll also feel her, in the memories, in the traditions, in the gathering of family and in the love around the table.

Another first.

May this New Year bring everyone celebrating, good health, happiness, peace and all that you are hoping for.

Wishing you and your loved ones a sweet and prosperous year.

Shana Tova

I continue to remind myself of this daily. “Be proud of how you’ve handled this season of your life. The silent battles you fought, the moments you had to humble yourself, and the times you wiped your own tears. You’re doing better than you think.” — Unknown

Today is “World Suicide Prevention Day”

Every year on September 10th we raise awareness around the globe that suicide can be prevented.

This year’s theme, “Changing the Narrative on Suicide,” is a call to action to “start a conversation.”

Every 40 seconds, a life is lost around the world to suicide and that is unacceptable.

Too many people still suffer in silence.

Shame and stigma around suicide still exist.

Suicide is still very much a social taboo.

Suicide can be a silent killer. What happens when there are no warning signs? What happens when someone is too afraid to speak their truth because of the stigma attached to it?

It is more important than ever before that we keep talking about suicide because the more we talk about suicide, the more we encourage others to as well. The more we talk about suicide, the less alone someone may feel. The more we talk about suicide, the more change we can make happen.

The more we talk about suicide, may help bring a glimmer of hope or relief to someone’s pain and desperation or even become the light in their darkness.

The more we talk about suicide the more lives we can save.

Collectively, these efforts are all key to suicide prevention, and yes, suicide can be prevented.

I struggle every. single. day of my life with thoughts of suicide (even when you see me smiling), but I refuse to allow anyone to ever make me feel ashamed for having a mental illness and I will keep doing all that I can to continue spreading awareness by sharing my story, educating those who are willing to listen, helping others understand how it feels to live with a mental illness; to feel broken, ashamed, hopeless or suicidal and I have made myself a promise that no one ever feel alone in their own struggle because no matter what, you are worthy and it’s okay to ask for help.

Opening up conversations about mental health and suicide saves lives; Every. Single. Day.


#worldsuicidepreventionday #988 #nationalsuicidepreventionawarenessmonth #youareenough #startaconversation #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #checkonyourlovedones #mentalhealth

Last night, Rachel and a couple of friends threw a St. Patty’s Day-themed goodbye party in our backyard for her BFF as she prepares to embark on an incredible new chapter; five years of medical school in Ireland.

There will be tears shed over the next many days. There will be hugs that last a little longer than usual. There will probably be moments when it all feels a little too real.

But underneath all of that is something even bigger. An incredible adventure ahead. A new country. A new culture. New experiences, challenges and discoveries. And the opportunity to work toward an amazing dream of becoming a doctor.

I think one of the hardest parts of watching the people we love grow up is realizing that sometimes their next chapter takes them far beyond the places we are used to having them.

But distance doesn’t erase friendship.

It doesn’t erase the countless memories, late-night shenanigans, celebrations, tears and adventures. It doesn’t erase six incredible weeks spent together in Israel in 2023. And it certainly doesn’t erase the comfort of knowing someone has been there through so many seasons of life.

The best friendships have a way of stretching. Adapting to time zones, busy schedules and thousands of kilometres between them. They may look a little different, but the bond remains.

And for Rachel, this goodbye comes with one pretty great silver lining. A very good excuse to visit Ireland (and Europe), which of course, she’s already hoping to do so for St. Patty’s Day next spring! 🍻

So while there may be a few tears, or, more likely, more than a few as this new chapter begins, I hope they are mixed with enormous pride, excitement and anticipation for everything that lies ahead.

Because this isn’t really goodbye.

It’s see you later.

It’s cheering each other on from different corners of the world and knowing that some friendships are strong enough to cross an ocean.

So cheers to new beginnings @taliakierstead, chasing dreams, and making memories in a new corner of the world.

Wishing you the luck of the Irish 🍀 Talia on this incredible adventure. Go make your mark. Embrace every moment. Soak it all in. Chase that dream with everything you’ve got.

And always remember that no matter how far you go, home, and your BFF will always be waiting for you!

#luckoftheirish #medicalschool #mentalhealth #bffs #friendship

Another day. Another appointment. Another specialist.

At least today’s appointment came with an actual step forward; root canals on three of my front teeth.

It’s the first of many more steps and several more specialists to come. I still have to continue wearing the wire on my teeth until my appointment in a few weeks, which really sucks, but finally, there is a starting point.

No guarantees. No promises. Just a starting point.

And honestly, I’m beyond overwhelmed today.

I’m carrying so much anxiety, fear and uncertainty, and today it all caught up with me. Leaving the specialist’s office, I made it to my car before completely breaking down in tears. The tears continued all the way to work… and beyond.

There are still so many uncertainties. So much trauma. So many fears about what comes next. And then there’s the financial reality of all of this.

Because fixing what happened isn’t going to be simple. It’s going to take time, many procedures, several specialists, and a whole lot of money. More than I even want to think about right now.

And then, as if on cue, Facebook reminded me of a memory from 15 years ago this week when I walked into a casino, put $20 into a 2-cent slot machine… and somehow walked out with a $10,000 jackpot.

Boy, could I use some of that luck, or a miracle right about now. This time, I could really use a windfall to help get my teeth back in the game!

Trigger Warning ⚠️ mentions su*cide 

September 1st marks the beginning of both Suicide Prevention Awareness Month and National Self-Care Awareness Month. Two important reminders that we need to pay attention not only to the people around us, but to ourselves as well.

September can be an overwhelming month for many. Summer coming to an end, routines changing, kids heading back to school, work picks up, and for those in the Jewish community, the High Holidays are just around the corner, and for me, who works in a Synagogue, this time of year is insanely hectic. 

This summer has been an incredibly difficult one for me. Since my accident, I’ve been navigating pain, uncertainty, physical healing and the emotional aftermath of trauma. And, if I’m being completely honest, my thoughts of suicide have become more difficult to push aside at times.

That’s not always easy for me to say out loud. But that’s exactly why awareness matters so much.

Self-care isn’t always bubble baths, exercise or taking a day off. Sometimes self-care is admitting, “I’m not okay.” It’s asking for help. It’s telling someone what you’re feeling. It’s taking a breath and giving yourself permission to stop pretending that everything is fine.

And sometimes, self-care can quite literally mean staying alive.

There is a beautiful Jewish concept called pikuach nefesh, the preservation of human life. It reminds us that our lives matter, that asking for help is not a weakness, and that there is always value in reaching out when we’re struggling.

So as September begins, let’s check in with ourselves and with the people we love. Ask the hard questions. Listen without judgment. Make the phone call. Take the pause.

You never know whose life you might be helping to save, including your own.

**If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please don’t face them alone. In Canada or US, call or text 988 for immediate crisis support.

#SuicidePreventionAwarenessMonth #NationalSelfCareAwarenessMonth #youareenough

Yesterday evening, our doorbell rang. I rarely answer the door to strangers, assuming it’s usually someone trying to sell something. But when I looked at our Ring camera and saw a gentleman standing there with his adorable little boy, I decided to answer.

I’m so glad I did.

He asked if Rachel lived here and explained that he had been her Uber driver on Saturday night, and that she had accidentally left her wallet in his car. Rachel knew it was missing, but had assumed she’d left it at her friend’s house earlier that evening.

This simple act of kindness really touched me.

There are still good people out there who choose to do the right thing, simply because it’s the right thing to do.

In a world that can often feel overwhelming and filled with negativity, it’s easy to lose faith in people. But every once in a while, a stranger comes knocking at your door and reminds you that goodness is still alive and well.

Yesterday, a man and his little boy showed up at our home with nothing to gain except the opportunity to do the right thing.

And just like that, my faith in humanity has been restored.

#uber #humanity #kindness

Today is National Grief Awareness Day, and it feels like a good time to talk about something we don’t talk about nearly enough; Grief.

Over the past many months, I’ve experienced grief in ways I never expected.

I’ve grieved the loss of my mom. And even though our relationship may have been complicated, I’ve been surprised by how deeply I miss her and how often I find myself wishing I could talk to her. Grief has shown up when I’ve least expected it; in quiet moments, in memories, on difficult days, and sometimes when I think I’m doing ok.

But grief hasn’t only been about losing a person.

I’ve experienced heart-wrenching grief for the loss of my beloved fur baby Maggie since losing her two months ago. I also continue to grieve parts of my life that have changed and the loss of the way things used to be. And more recently, I’ve found myself grieving the person I was before my accident and the sense of security I once had in my own body.

There have been so many feelings along the way. Sadness, anger, guilt, loneliness, frustration, fear, disbelief, exhaustion, and even moments of peace and happiness.

And that’s the thing about grief. It isn’t linear.

We often hear about the “stages of grief,” as though we move neatly from denial to anger to bargaining to depression and finally acceptance. But real grief doesn’t work that way. We can move forward and then suddenly find ourselves right back in a place we thought we’d already left.

One day we can laugh and feel almost like ourselves again.

The next day, a song, a smell, a photograph, a date on the calendar or a simple memory can bring the tears right back.

And that’s okay.

There is no right way to grieve. There is no timeline. There is no expiration date.

You don’t have to be “over it” because someone else thinks you should be. You don’t have to hide your tears. You don’t have to apologize for having a hard day. And you certainly don’t have to feel guilty when you have a good one.

If you’re grieving today, I want you to know that you are not alone.

Whatever your grief looks like, whether you’ve lost a person, a pet, a relationship, a dream, your health, a chapter of your life, or simply the version of yourself you once knew, you are allowed to grieve that loss.

Feel the sadness. Feel the anger. Feel the confusion. Feel the love. Feel the moments of joy, too.

Give yourself permission to feel all of it.

I’m learning that grief isn’t something we “get over.” It’s something we learn to carry. Some days the weight is heavier than others. And sometimes, when we least expect it, we discover that we can carry it a little differently.

So today, on National Grief Awareness Day, let’s remind each other to be a little gentler with ourselves and with those around us.

You never know what someone else is carrying behind their smile.

And if today is a hard day for you, please know that you don’t have to carry it alone.

Today’s #summerofrich adventures are brought to you by @shakeyourbuoy music and boating festival!

Always a summertime fav! Fresh air, music, good friends and a beautiful day relaxing on Lake Simcoe, one of our great Canadian lakes.

And thankfully, some things are just Canadian, and nobody can take that away from us. 🇨🇦

I’ve got so many appointments on the go right now, and honestly, I’m feeling very overwhelmed trying to keep track of everything.

Today, I had an echocardiogram. After my accident, my doctor referred me to a cardiologist in the hope of figuring out a possible reason for why I may have fainted. I have a follow-up appointment booked in a few weeks.

Do I think they’ll find a definitive answer as to why I fainted? Honestly, I don’t.

But today brought a whole other level of anxiety that I wasn’t expecting.

As I lay on that table for 30 minutes, I couldn’t stop thinking about my mom. When she was just 52, she needed emergency bypass surgery. I had a four-week-old baby at home, my firstborn, and I remember how terrifying that time was. Today, lying there having my own heart examined, I found myself transported right back to that moment 28 years ago this month.

My mind kept moving between the present and the past, and the last thing I was thinking about in that moment was why I fainted. Instead, I began thinking about what else they might discover.

When heart disease has hit so close to home, it’s hard not to let your mind go there.

This is the part of living with severe anxiety and panic disorder that is so difficult to explain. It’s not just worrying about what is happening. It’s worrying about everything that might happen, too.

I know I can’t predict the results. I know I have to wait. And I know that worrying won’t change the outcome.

Anyone who experiences severe anxiety like I do knows that it doesn’t always listen to logic. Well, in all actuality, it never listens to logic!!!

So tonight, I’m going to remind myself of that.

I’m going to try to stay in the present, instead of letting my mind run ahead to all the things that might happen and deal with tomorrow when tomorrow gets here.